In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking B. Screwing C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship B. Your blood test results C. Five tequila slammers You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don't miss Sports Center Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: A. Healthy, creative love-play. B. Not the sort of thing to which your wife/girlfriend would agree. C. Not the sort of thing about which your wife/girlfriend need ever to find out. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman with whom you've just had sex is: A. The best part of the experience. B. The second best part of the experience. C. $100 extra. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: A. No concern to you. B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. C. A conservative estimate. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: A. A myth. B. An oxymoron. C. A Moron. Foreplay is to sex as: A. Appetizer is to entree. B. Primer is to paint. C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? A. "I hope we can still be friends." B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep." C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population: YOU." A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with the intimacy. B. Is uptight and a waste of time. C. Should never have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. EVALUATING RESULTS: If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you ARE a man!! If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused. If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!" |