The Washington Post recently had a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply possible alternate meanings for various words. The following are some of the winning entries ... Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk Willy-nilly--adj., impotent Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline Testicle--n., a humorous question on an exam Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you Marionettes--n., residents of Washington, D.C., who have been jerked around by the Mayor Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions Circumvent--n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts Frisbatarianism--n., belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. |