Support Blap

Alternate Meanings

The Washington Post recently had a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply possible alternate meanings for various words. The following are some of the winning entries ...

Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog
Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk
Willy-nilly--adj., impotent
Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained
Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp
Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash
Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver
Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon
Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller
Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline
Testicle--n., a humorous question on an exam
Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers
Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
Marionettes--n., residents of Washington, D.C., who have been jerked around by the Mayor
Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
Circumvent--n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts
Frisbatarianism--n., belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck
Next Joke